Hare Krsna!

I am very grateful to all the assembled devotees, especially my dear Godbrothers and Godsisters who are casting their merciful glances upon me and all of us. This very devotional drama that was performed for us depicted a scene that set the mood after which Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu and His devotees would deeply contemplate the strikingly reality that Lord Caitanya would soon leave Navadwip and assume the ashram of Sannyasa.
 

LORD CAITANYA GIVES FIRST HINT OF HIS DESIRE TO TAKE SANYAS
Srivas Angan was the place where our acaryas have explained to be non-different from rasasthali of Vrindavan where the same type of loving exchanges that took place in the rasa lila were performed and experienced as the devotees performed nama sankirtan. On that one par day Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu was dancing in great happiness in the mood of Sri Radha tasting the sweetness of Krishna’s holy names, relishing the divine mood of being His own devotee. The devotees’ happiness was simply Lord Caitanya’s happiness, when He was happy they were happy. Even if the worst calamities were taking place in their lives, if He was happy they were happy. And if He was sad or displeased nothing could pacify the hearts of the devotees. This was the nature of their Love. Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu was blissfully dancing in Kirtan with his devotees, some crying was heard in one of the other rooms of srivasa’s house. Srivas was told “please come now.” He came into the inner chambers of the house and he found his son laying dead. He had some feverish disease and died that very night. His wife and other family members were weeping, natural. Srivas Thakur, he told them. “why are you weeping? please know that our child has been blessed. He left this world at the time when Lord Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu, the Supreme Personality of Godhead, was chanting the holy names and dancing in ecstasy among His devotees in our very own house. This child has attained the supreme destination and gone back to Godhead. How fortunate he is! Now if your crying disturbs the happiness of my Lord then I’ll tie a rope around my neck, tie that to a bucket of stones and rocks and I’ll jump in Ganges and end my life! So whatever unhappiness you may fell keep it silently to yourself in your heart, but do not disturb the kirtan.” After saying this Srivas Thakur went back out into the court yard and with a beautiful smile on his face, he danced and danced all night with Lord Caitanya. Towards the end of the night as the morning was coming Lord Caitanya stopped the kirtan and He said, “I feel in my heart that there is some sadness in this house. Srivas what is it? Srivas was just smiling. Immediately, he said  my Lord gauranga with your beautiful moon like face smiling in bliss, while you are dancing in my house there could be nothing but happiness.” Then one of the other devotees said his son died tonight.
Lord caitanya said “His son died? When did that happen?” It happened about 7 and ½ hrs ago. At that time Lord Caitanya looked at Srivas Thakur very emotionally. He said “Why didn’t you say something?” Then Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu began to cry in front of everybody. “How could I possibly give up the association of such a devotee who does not know any sorrow in this world even to the extent of the death of his own son, just to make Me happy? How can I give up such a person’s association?” He wept incessantly.
The devotees were very confused. What does He mean by this? He’s dancing and chanting with us all night every night. He’s with Srivas Thakur every day.
What could He possibly mean “How will I live without the association? How will I give up his association?” It was a great mystery that caused fear in all of the devotees’ hearts. Because Caitanya Mahaprabhu knew that very soon He would leave Navadwip forever, to wander as a Sannyasi. Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu then went into the room where the child was. And to everyone’s great surprise He asked the dead body “Why did you leave your father’s house?” And the little boy sat up! And spoke! He said “My Lord I am your eternal servant. And wherever you send me, that’s where I want to be.” By the power of destiny and by the power of your mercy I was allowed to live all these days in the auspicious home of Srivas. But now by the power of your will, my destiny is to move to another body. Who is my relative? Who is my father? Who is my Mother? When the time comes the soul must depart from the body. Now my Lord I beg You, please forgive me for any offences I may have made and grant me the boon that wherever You send me I may have the association of Your devotees. With Your permission I will now go” the child lied down and his life passed from it. Hearing the child talk, seeing how Lord Chaitanya Mahaprabhu had given such special mercy to the Child, In the words of the Christian, He rose him from the dead and then sent him to Vaikuntha, the Spiritual world.
The family was in bliss! They had no sorrow in their hearts. They all fell at Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu’s lotus feet. All the relatives of Srivas, they clung to his lotus feet. They said “My Lord You are our father, You are our mother, You are our friend, You are our shelter, You are our well wisher, You are our everything! Please, in whatever birth you put us whether it’s in a human or a demigod or an insect or a bird, or an animal, whatever birth we take let us always have the association of Your dear devotees.” Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu looked at Srivas Thakur and said “Because of your love, your unconditional devotion, Nityananda prabhu and myself are eternally your sons.  Then Lord Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu personally led the child with the family, in procession to the Ganga to perform the last rites. And after taking their baths  they all went to their homes in very happy mood.  One day at the house of Srivas in the evening, the kirtans were so sweet, prema sankirtan they were the expression of the devotees love as they chanted the holy names. 

A BRAHMANA CURSES LORD CAITANYA
One Brahmin, a very arrogant materialistic person, he heard of Lord Caitanya’s dancing and he wanted to see. He  came to Srivas’s house , knocked on the door , Caitanya Mahaprabhu was in Kirtan. They wouldn’t let him in, because these kirtans were so intimate that only those who had no material desires at all, those who had actually awakened their eternal love for God, only such persons could understand the type of transformations that were going on in there. So the Brahmin was not allowed in. He was furious, because he had a high position, he thought that he was entitled to do anything .  For one who has been honored, dishonor is worse than death.  The next day, he was looking for Lord Caitanya and he happened to see Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu just coming out from taking his bath in the holy river Ganga. That Brahmin, he was uncontrollably angry. He screamed at Lord Caitanya, he said , “I went to the house of Srivas to see Your dance and a sinful Brahmin would not allow me to enter . His eyes became red, his lips were trembling, and uncontrollable wrath overcame him like a fire. He took his thumb, wrapped it with his Brahman thread and snapped, broke his Brahmin thread right there and proclaimed a curse – because you left me  out side that house, I am cursing you that you will also be left outside of your house,  you will never ever again enjoy family life. You will lose all material prosperity, all material enjoyment. Lord Caitanya was perfectly calm and He smiled and said in a sweet voice.
“This brahmin has given me a very auspicious boon. Thank you very much”. When the Lord answered in such a peaceful and calm and totally detached way, the brahmin became very sober. Something came over him. Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu actually awakened within his heart, certain knowledge. And he said, “What did I just do? I cursed you. Actually I didn’t curse you. You caused me to make that curse against you. It was Your will. Because You are the complete whole, You are the creator of everything within this entire universal creation. It is Your desire. You will soon take sannyas. You will leave Your home in order to give Love of God to the whole world. You have descended into this world to open the treasure house of Krishna prema, Love for Krishna and flood the entire world with it through the congregational chanting of the holy names, Hare Krishna Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna Hare Hare, Hare Rama Hare Rama, Rama Rama Hare Hare. You will spread Krishna prema to everyone and anyone, the men and the women and the boys and the girls, no discrimination of caste or religion, no discrimination of any particular material situation a person may be in, You are going to give Love of God to everyone except me, because I am so offensive, I cursed You. What is my destiny?” And Lord Caitanya said, “It was a very good curse. I am very happy with you. You just follow My instructions”. And because that Brahmin was so transformed, he was grateful. He fell with tears in his eyes, at Lord Caitanya’s Lotus feet and surrendered his life, right then. Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu picked him up and embraced him. And with that embrace, Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu, put into his heart, Lord Caitanya’s own love for God. He impregnated His love into the heart of this Brahmin. He attained the ultimate perfection of life. But Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu did not want this Brahmin’s curse to go in vain. Now let us review, what the scene was in Navadwip. Lord Gauranga now had countless devotees. At first He was only performing nama kirtan amongst his most intimate associates at Srivas Angan. And there were so many people who were blasphemous of Him. There were many many people in Navadwip, who really hated Lord Caitanya. They were envious of Him. They were so proud and arrogant; they could not tolerate somebody else getting more respect and honor than themselves. They could not tolerate seeing anybody else more successful in scholarship than themselves and plus they were very materialistic and Lord Caitanya was teaching pure devotional service which is very anti materialistic. So He was very great threat to many. So there were hundreds of thousands of people who were coming to Him, who were longing to see and dance, but there were also many, who were continuously spreading horrible nasty rumors against Him. They would say, “What is happening here in Srivas’ house? We know! We know why they don’t let us in, because we will expose them, because we are pure in heart. They find beautiful young girls during the day, bring them to Srivas’s house at night, give them drugs, perform black tantric rites, and then engage in most obscene horrible sinful acts as they are all intoxicated. And that’s why they are screaming and howling all night.” This was what they were saying about Lord Caitanya. And they were spreading these rumors as viciously as possible. Can you imagine if they had internet. They would have been very very happy.
Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu as a scholar defeated Keshava Kashmiri, He was the top scholar on earth. As a devotee Advaitacarya, he was the topmost vaishnava in creation, worshipped Lord Caitanya. And as far as having loving friends, He had Nityananda Prabhu, Gadhadhara Pandit, Murari Gupta, Haridas Thakur, Kolevecha Shridhar, such friends. He had everything - the most loving wife, the most loving mother. But He was meditating on the offensive sinful people who due to their arrogance escaped the net of His mercy and thinking how to give them love of God.
 

A BRAHMANA OFFENDED LORD IN HIS ESCTASY
So one day Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu, in His Radha bhava, in the intimate mood of the Gopi, He was sitting in His home chanting, “Vrindavan, Gopi! Gopi!” With great emotion He was chanting the names of Gopi. And one brahmana who was one time his student came to Nimai’s house and he happened to see Him in trance chanting, “Gopi! Gopi!” He said “Nimai, what is this Gopi, Gopi! According to the scripture it is a pious act to chant the names of Krsna. You will gain all piety by chanting Krishna’s names. No where does it talk about chanting Gopi. This is not correct”.
Now first of all Lord Caitanya was in ecstasy of love and second of all Lord Caitanya did not believe that you should chant the names of Krishna to get pious results. This brahmana was saying that you get pious results by chanting Krishna’s names, he was materialistic. So that did not impress the Lord. But in his ecstasy of the mood of a gopi, He became very angry. He said, “You are telling me to chant the names of Krishna. Why Krishna? In Kishkinda ksetra, he took the side of Sugriva and He with an arrow as Ramachandra, He shot Vali in the back. Vali didn’t do anything wrong to Him, but He killed him. And Krishna is so beautiful, He attracts all women’s hearts and completely enchants them. He particularly enchanted one woman’s heart and she couldn’t resist Him and she approached Him and then He cut off her nose, Surpanaka. And Bali Maharaj gave everything he had to Krishna, his body, his mind, his words he surrendered to Krishna and Krishna in turn sent him down to live in hell. Why should I chant Krishna’s names? What are you telling me to chant Krishna’s names for?” Gauranga picked up a stick, stood up and attacked the brahmana and the brahmana ran away really fast. And Lord Caitanya chased him and the devotees came and caught Lord Caitanya and started chanting Harinaam to Him and He came into external consciousness. Please understand that Lord Caitanya was exhibiting the highest intense form of Samadhi, total absorption in divine consciousness. But this person could not understand, he thought it

was something material. That is one of the reasons why great personalities, restrain the ecstatic symptoms even if they have them from ordinary people. Or even devotees who aren’t on the level to really understand them. Because people misinterpret or it could be simply for the purpose of getting cheap followers. The brahmana came running and he was perspiring and his friends asked him “What’s happened to you?” The brahmana boy said, “You are asking this question, you should see what happened to me, I am lucky to be alive.”                                
I went to Nimai’s house and He is singing, “Gopi! Gopi! Gopi! Gopi!” day and night “Gopi! Gopi!”, this is not according to Shastra. You are not going to get pious credit chanting Gopi, Chant Krishna. And He picked up a stick and chased me and blasphemed me. I can’t put in my mouth the words that He said. But I can say one thing that I am lucky to be talking here today. Nimai was very big, He was very tall, He was very beautiful, His arms extended below his kness. Everyone wanted to be embraced by Him, but to be hit by a stick! All the brahmins they were very very materialistic and egoistic. They became very angry and said terrible things against Lord Caitanya. He said “who does He think He is to chase a Brahman with a stick? Does He think He is some sort of a king? Does He think He is our a master? We are also Brahmins, He may be the son of Jagannath Misra, but our fathers are also great scholars and pundits, they are not ordinary people. What right does He have to do this? If ever He does anything similar again we will punish Him. We will give Him a good trashing.” And then they made a conspiracy to spread the rumours of Lord Caitanya’s misbehaviour all over Navadwip Dham to discredit Him. A conspiracy to physically punish Him! Now Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu in His previous incarnation He manifested the viratarupa, the universal form. He was Lord Nrsingha Dev, Lord Varaha Dev, is He afraid of some Brahmans? He went home and sat down and began to contemplate that, “I descended into this world for the purpose of giving love of God through the medicine of holy name to the people. But now I see that the opposite is happening. If people blaspheme Me, if people  disrespect Me, because I am the Supreme personality of Godhead they will have to suffer terribly. I must think of a way in which I can somehow or the other must get the same envious arrogant people to offer their obeisances to Me with respect. And when they do that then by My grace I will be able to give Bhakti and Prema to them. In a society everyone offers respectful obeisances to a sannyasi. Now I am a house holder they just think I am one of them. I am one of the people of Navadwip, I am the son of Jagannath Misra, I am the husband of Vishnu Priya, some are thinking I am their nephew some are thinking friend and I am their fellow student they are seeing Me in very ordinary way. But if I take sannyasa, if I give up everything for the sake of Krishna, then even those people will bow down to Me. I will have the danda, I will have the begging bowl and I will go house to house, to those who are hate Me, to those who are envious of Me and those who blaspheme me and then they will bow down and I will give them Krishna Prema.” Caitanya Mahaprabhu decided I will become a sannyasi. 

LORD CAITANYA REVEALS TO NITYANANDA PRABHU HIS DESIRE TO TAKE SANYAS
One day, Lord Caitanya was sitting with His devotees, small circle of His very confidential associates. And His speech was that shook their hearts to their very core. Only one person could understand what He was talking about. Would you like to hear those words? Out of nowhere, He says, “I have come to give the medicine – triphali kanda - to reduce the excess mucus due to their disease. But what I see is happening is the mucus and the disease is increasing.” And Lord Caitanya began to laugh very loud. The devotees were looking at each other – “What is He talking about? – triphali kanda, medicine, mucus, disease”.
But Nityananda Prabhu understood the Lord’s heart. At this moment, He didn’t say anything. He became stunned. His heart cracked open. And He thought to Himself. My beloved Lord is going to leave us and become a sannyasi. Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu then took Nityananda Prabhu to a secluded place and raveled His heart. The Lord said that, “I have come to deliver the fallen souls of this Kali yuga. But now, just the opposite is happening. It appears that I have come to destroy them all. I have come to sever the rope of material bondage from these people. But now, I see that since I am here, they are bound by millions and millions of ropes. Tomorrow, Nityananda, I am going to shave My head. I am going to take a begging bowl. And I am going to become a sanyasi. And then all these people who are against Me, they will bow down to Me. And in doing so, they wil l be relieved of their sins. And then, by My grace, I will give them pure bhakti, deliver them. Nityananda Prabhu, I can only do this if You give Me Your permission. You know why we have descended into this world. You know what our mission is. Please give Me Your permission to become a sanyasi. And I know You will. Because You know My heart.”
Nityananda Prabhu was speechless. It was unbearable to Him. Lord Lord Caitanya shaving His head, leaving His widowed mother, His young wife, leaving Navadwip forever, in the drag rags of a sanyasi, living in a forest! Its unbearable.” But Nityananda Prabhu, He didn’t know what to say. And then He spoke. He said, “My Lord, whatever You wish will be fulfilled. You are the independent Supreme Personality of Godhead. Who could forbid You from doing anything. You know what is to be done and what is not to be done. Whatever You do is for the ultimate benefit for all living beings. In Your heart is the highest spiritual truth, and the highest compassion for everyone. But please My Lord, tell Your idea to the devotees before doing it. And see what they have to say.”
 Lord Caitanya was so happy. He got Nityananda Prabhu’s permission. Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu embraced Lord Nityananda, while He was smiling in great joy, embraced Him again and again and again. Now He wants to go, tell the other devotees. As soon as Lord Caitanya left Nityananda Prabhu, Nityananda Prabhu thought about Saci devi, “What will happen to mother Saci? When her son leaves, He fell unconscious, then he woke up and went to a secluded place where there was nobody around and wept incessantly thinking about the crushing pain that would come upon mother saci.  When Lord Caitanya leaves her forever. Caitanya Mahaprabhu then went to the place of  Mukund Dutt.  Mukund Dutt offered his obeisances, Lord Caitanya was very jubilant, He said, “Mukunda sing about Krishna, Mukunda  began to sing very sweet Kirtan,  Caitanya Mahaprabhu was dancing and singing and then He became sober,  and in a very happy mood He said, “Mukunda, please hear Me,  I am going to renounce My house holder life and going to shave My head and I am going to travel to the forest  as a  sannyasi.
Suddenly all was vanquished,  he became speechless and he fell to the ground unconscious.  This is the nature of love of these devotees for Lord Caitanya. Now in your lives, what bad news makes you unconscious? This is the intense love. Mukunda  got up and he said, “My Lord Gauranga, if this is what You wish, then  this is what You will do, but please stay a few more days and have nam sankirtan with us.” Lord Caitanya very happily, He embraced him and went to the place of Gadadhar. Gadadhar is known for being very mild and very patient and there is that beautiful story, later on in Pure . Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu was really, really treating Gadadhar in a very harshly and apparently in a unfair, but Gadadhar , just accepted it , that “My Lord whatever way you want to treat me, treat me , I am Your servant, whatever makes You happy, that is fine.” That was Gadadhar’s nature. Caitanya Mahaprabhu told Gadadhar “I shall shave My head and leave My home.” For Gadadhar it was like a thunderbolt, it was like a thunderbolt crashed right on top of his head, he was practically paralyzed. And then he could not contain himself. He said, “where in the scriptures does it say that one has to leave his wife and his mother and his family to become a sannyasi to attain Krishna? Where does it say that? Is this a religious principle? You think you will attain Krishna by just merely shaving your head?  That one has to leave his wife and his mother and his family to become a sannyasi to attain Krishna. Where does it say that? Is this a religious principle? Do You think you will achieve Krishna just merely shaving Your head? Why not remain in householder life and be an example to the human population. The Vedas don’t support your ideas. And how…how can you abandon your mother?  She is a widow, she has no support. She has nothing but You. If You take sannyas, the first thing that you will accomplish, is you will be the cause of the death of your own mother and you will be fully responsible for Saci Devi’s death”. Gadadhar said, “But, you are the independent Supreme Personality of Godhead, You do whatever You want to do”. Now, for Gadadhar Pandit to speak like this to the Lord was a very very very deeply profound emotional state. Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu, began to explain it to some of his devotees.

LORD CAITANYA ASKS KESHAV BHARATI TO GIVE HIM SANYAS
At that time a great saint named Keshav Bharati Maharaj, came to Navadwip. And Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu, met him and invited him to his home, and Keshav Bharati Maharaj, very very pure great soul. Lord Caitanya served him very humbly, and in seclusion Lord Caitanya talked to Keshav Bharati. He said, “You are a saint, you have Krishna, I want Krishna. I want Krishna so bad. Please give me Krishna. I want to become like you. I want to be in your dress. Please award me unconditional service to Krishna and initiate Me as a sannyasi”.  Keshav Bharati looked at Lord Gauranga. He saw His ecstatic symptoms and because he was such an elevated devotee, he could understand and he spoke, “You are the supreme Lord. You are the guru of everyone. And You want me to be Your Guru. Whatever is Your desire. I am Your servant”. Then Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu brought Keshav Bharati to Srivas Thakur’s house and told Srivas, “Please take very nice care of him”. The next day Keshav Bharati left Navadwipa to return to Kantaka Nagar or Katwa. When Lord Caitanya heard he left, He felt very sad in His heart. 
 

SACI MATA CONFRONTS LORD CAITANYA
Now poor Saci Devi, when she saw Lord Caitanya talking to this sannyasi in her house, that very much alarmed her heart. Why? Because Vishwaroop at one time he was always with Advaita Acarya and the devotees, doing Hari katha and Hari kitan and he lost all his interest in everything of this world and he left her and took sannyas.  And Saci Mata was very much worried because Lord Caitanya was now constantly, practically all day and all night, He was with Srivas and Adwaita and the devotees, doing naam kirtan. At one time she was very worried, “That what Adwaita did to Vishwaroop, Adwaita is going to do to my other son, my only other son Nimai. What will I do if He leaves”?  But Saci Mata saw how Lord CAitanya enjoys Navadwipa and enjoyed kirtan with all of his friends and associates and devotees, she was thinking He would never leave. And His wife, was sweet and beautiful like an angel. But when Saci Mata saw the Lord talking confidentially to Keshav Bharati Maharaj, a sannyasi, suspicions began to stir in her heart. And soon the devotees, they were hearing about Lord Caitanya’s plan.
Lord Caitanya was talking to the devotees about His plan to take sannyas. And He said, “That please, you should be happy that I am doing this. Just like a businessman, he will go out, he will leave his home, he will travel to other places, he will make a lot of money and then bring it back and share it with all his relatives and everyone’s happy. So I am going to take sannyas because I am searching for the treasure of Love of Krishna and when I gain that treasure of love of Krishna, I am going to come back and share it with all of you. So be happy! Srivas replied “You are going to go out and who are You going to share your treasure with because when You come back, we will all be dead! We cannot live without You? You completely attracted and completely conquered our hearts. We are yours. Living a moment without seeing You is difficult. And then Mukunda dutt, he was telling that “You appear to be so kind. Your heart appears to be so soft. But that’s all external. Internally it’s very hard.” How could You leave us like this? How could You abandon us after we sacrifice everything for You? Your heart is like a big pot of (poison). It is covered with a thin layer of fresh milk. It looks like something beautiful to drink. But when you drink it, how you suffer? Your heart like a sweet meat made out of wood covered with a thin layer of sweet aromatic camphor. It smells so good and it looks so good, but when you try to bite it, it is like wood. How could you be so cruel to Your mother and to Your wife and to all Your friends and to the devotees and to the all place of Navadvipa?” Then Murari Gupta revealed his heart – He said “You are like an expert gardener. You sowed this seed of Bhakti within all of our hearts and for all of these years, You have been watering that seed, nourishing that seed, and now it has come to the point where all of our hearts have become like trees. And you made it like that. You have grown this magnificent tree. And you put colorful decorative jewels all around the trunk of that tree. And now just when that tree is about to bear fruits, You are suddenly going to cut it down! When you leave there will be no one left to meet you.”
Lord Chaitanya said to his devotees, “Why are you speaking to Me like this? I am longing for Krishna. I am yearning for Krishna. And I need to give Krishna to the world.” Then Lord Chaitanya told them all. He saw that there are in so much distress. He wanted to pacify their hearts. And he said “Please know, I will never leave You. I cannot leave You. You have conquered My heart. My love is for you always. I can never leave you.Even after I take Sanyasa very soon we will be together again chanting and dancing in Kirtan, enjoying Krishna Katha, enjoying loving relationships. I cannot give you up. And I am always with you. I have descended into this world in two forms. As the Holyname, I will manifest wherever My devotees gather together to chant in Kirtan – Hare Krsna Hare Krsna Krsna Krsna Hare Hare Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare. And I have descended as the holy deity, whenever you worship the deity with devotion, whenever you come together to chant the holy names, I will personally be there with you. And you will feel Me and you will see Me. This is my promise.” Then Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu told Mukunda, “Let us have a kirtan.” And he was having such wonderful kirtan that all the devotees, everyone of them practically forgot that He was taking sannyas. The Lord mesmerized them. Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu told them “To teach the world and for the sake of humanity and all of their suffering I must do this. But birth after birth you are My associates, we will never be separated.”
 

THE PAIN OF SACI MATA
Gradually Saci Mata was hearing rumours. And every time she heard anything about this subject. It burned her heart. She became practically delirious. It was unbearable. But she was hearing it again and again, that Nimai Pandit is going to leave home to be a sanyasi. One day Lord Caitanya saw that His mother was constantly crying. He noticed that for many days she did not eat or sleep. But she wouldn’t say a word. Then Gauranga Mahaprabhu approached her. Saci Devi was suffering from a pain that she never knew before. She lost 8 daughters. Please try to understand this, the difficulty of Sacidevi’s life and how totally depended on Lord Gauranga. When a woman who really wants to be a mother, who longs to have a child and has a miscarriage. It is traumatic. It is quite devastating. Often times it leads to serious depression. But much more painful than a miscarriage, is when you give birth to a beautiful child, a daughter that she carried within the womb for 9 months, then the child is born and she gives her heart and motherly love to the child and that beautiful little infant dies in her hands. Those of you who are mothers, can you feel the pain of Sacidevi? 8 consecutive daughters! That means for about 10 years continuously, 8 consecutive daughters died right after birth. Jagannath Misra and Sacidevi were feeling deep pain and they performed puja for the Damodar sila and they prayed for a child to offer to Him, and then an expansion of Lord Nityananda Prabhu was born to them as Viswaroop. And Sacidevi and Jagannath Misra, unlike most parents when they get what they want from God then they don’t have to wordship God so much anymore, they increased their service to their Saligram Shila to show their gratitude. Can you imagine the first born living son Viswaroop, how dear he was to Sacidevi? And as far as we know he was a teenager, He was spotless in character, He was obedient, respectful to all, just the kind of son that absolutely conquers the hearts of his parents. And in the middle of one night he just left home and took sanyas and never communicated with them for the rest of his life. And we read in Caitanya Caritamrita and Caitanya Bhagvat, how Sacidevi suffered. How she wept and cried. Even Nimai was uncontrollably crying when Viswaroop left.
Krishna tells in Gita, For one who is realized they don’t lament for the living or dead so why all this crying when people are dying? Crying and dying. This is not material, these tears are divine tears. Because Saci Devi, Jagannath Misra, Nimai they understand that the soul is eternal, they understand that these eight little girls or Vishwaroop taking Sannyas, that these souls are eternal. But because of the connection they have to Krishna, through these relationships as Vaishnavas, they are so deep and so sacred and so special. When a vaishnava dies it is a celebration but it’s also a time of pathetic separation. But that pathetic separation is based on truth, it’s based on knowledge it elevates of consciousness, it increase our love and increase our eternal relationship with that person and with Krishna, who we are loving through the vaishnava. So the tears of separation between the two Vaishnavas when it’s based on knowledge and truth is one of the most elevated and one of the most purifying of all spiritual experiences, But when we are misconceived that this person is the body, an when the body is gone now I cry there is no benefit to those tears, because it’s not based on truth. So she lost her eldest beloved son Vishvaroop. And when couple of years later Jagannath Misra departs from this world to return to the spiritual abode. Saci Devi, we were narrating last night, how she was affected by Jagannath Misra’s departure. She is a widow. She lost her eight daughters, she lost her eldest son, and all she has left in her entire life is Nimai. But Nimai’s beauty, His charm and His love, gave her so much happiness, it’s all she has. After Jagannath Misra left, five minutes of not seeing Nimai, she would feel intense pains of separation. From a social perspective He must support her. According to scholars she was 67 yrs old, she was an elderly lady and the whole responsibility of Vishnu Priya was going to be on Saci Devi. How is she going to survive? And from an emotional spiritual point of view Nimai her son was the exclusive sole proprietor of her heart. She never experienced such pain in her entire life as when she heard the rumour that Nimai was going to leave her house, she was white in complexion due to paleness, she could not eat she could not sleep. All she could do is worry and cry and she could not even talk to anyone about it. And now and then she would go from house to house, shop to shop asking people as if she were a mad woman, “is it true that my son is going to leave me? Is it true? Is it true?” And nobody knew what to tell her.
But in her home Lord Gauranga approached Saci. Seeing her state.. A major part of her life, she was unconscious due to the thought. And Lord Caitanya asks His mother, “What is wrong with you?” and Saci devi speaks, “O Gauranga”, She began, “Please do not go away from Me. Please do not go. My dear son, the only happiness I have is gazing at Your beautiful face. That is the only thing in this world that keeps me alive. When I see Your eyes which are like blooming lotus petals, When I see Your face which is radiant like a golden moon, and Your lips which are red and beautiful, shining in the moonlight and the sunlight, Your teeth are like pearls or fine blossoming jasmine flowers. When You speak, Your words are like a stream of nectar, that give me life and hope and unlimited joy. When I see You walk, it is with such grace, like an elephant. How, how will I remain alive if You leave me all alone. Please be happy. You have so many friends here in Navadwip. There is Advaita, and Nityananda, Srivas, Mukunda, Murari, Haridas. They are all Your friends. They love You. And You love them. You are so happy performing Nam sankirtan at the house of Chandrashekhar, at the house of Srivas, and the streets and the forests and the fields of Navadwip. Please stay with Your friends. Bring them happiness and enjoy. You have descended into this world to teach true religion. How will You teach the world by abandoning a helpless widowed mother. Is that the idea of how you are going to be an acarya and teach the world religious principles? Your elder brother Viswarup, he left me. Your father, he returned to Vaikunta. But when I see You, I forget every misery of this world. When I see You, there is only happiness and joy. If You go, I will give up my life. And Nimai, O Gauranga, what about Your wife, Visnu priya. She is hardly 15 years old. She knows nothing and no one but You. What will become of her life? and what will become of my life? She will be a widow. Her heart will be devastated. She know nothing but suffering. As for me, I am 67 years old. I will suffer for a Visnu priya? She is a teenage girl. She is going to suffer with broken heart, living tragedy for the rest of Her long life. And You are offering me, your mother the responsibility to take care of Her, to maintain Her.
You are putting around my neck, the sufferings of Vishnu Priya, in addition to my own. Nimai, just do kirtan with Nityanand prabhu, and be happy, everyone will be happy. You have already attracted and conquered the hearts of whole of Navadwipa. You have hundreds and thousands of millions of followers. If You take sannyas, You will leave for ever, what suffering and pain will You cause them.  Is that religion? Please Nimai, do not go”. Saci Mata spoke these words and ultimately she fell to the ground, collapsed, weeping uncontrollably, her heart heaving in pain as she muttered her last words, “I will give up my life”.  As she wept, and she trembled, she said, “Nimai, I will take poison and end my life, so that I have never have to hear the news that You have taken sannyas and left my home. I will not survive hearing about that”. Lord Gauranga gazed at her, with such deep love, gratitude and affection. He said, “My mother, I will never leave you. You are My mother birth after birth after birth. I will reveal to you the truth. In a previous lifetime, you were Prishni, and I became your son Prishni Garbha and in another birth, you were Aditi and I became your son, Vamana Dev and then in your next birth, you became Devahuti and I was your son again as Kapila Dev. You appeared in this world as Kaushalya, and I was your beloved son Rama Chandra, in the city of Ayodhya. And then in Mathura, in that prison house of Kamsa, you were Devaki and I again became your son as Krishna. And in Gokula, you were Yahsoda, and I was your Gopal. And now again, I have become your son. I am eternally your son. We can never be apart. My mother you are the earth Goddess, and I appear as your son in the form of the worhippable deity. And as the earth goddess, you appear as the tongues of the devotees, and I am born from you (from the tongue of the devotees) whenever they sincerely chant the holynames, Hare Krishna Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna Hare Hare, Hare Rama Hare Rama, Rama Rama Hare Hare. My dear mother, My love for you and your love for Me is eternal. And I promise you this, that whenever you think of Me, you will see Me within your heart. Whenever you cook for Me, you will feel My presence taking the Prasad, you have prepared. I will not abandon you. But, for the sake of suffering humanity, I must do this. Please give me your permission”. And Saci Devi gave her permission because she was enchanted by all this wisdom and knowledge that Nimai was giving her. But as soon as she finished giving her permission, she fell to the ground crying again.
 

LORD CAITANYA CONSOLES VISNU PRIYA
Vishnu priya, the wife of the Lord, the daughter of Sanatana Mishra, she was at her father’s house and she happened to hear these rumors about Lord Gaurasundar taking sannyas. So she rushed back to the house of Saci Devi, and she saw the lamentable, pitiable condition of her mother-in-law Saci Devi. Her hair was in disarray, her body was emaciated and pale and she was constantly crying and she couldn’t talk to anyone.  She went into the room and she found Nimai. She went to the foot of His bed and with her tender lotus like hands…she is the goddess of fortune…she massaged Nimai’s lotus feet, very softly. And tears were pouring from her eyes.  And in her heart she was feeling that, “Is it right, there is so much suffering, all over the world and I alone am enjoying unlimited unending happiness. Is that right”? But then the thought of not having her husband, it was unbearable. She was gazing at His beautiful moon like face as He was sleeping. And she was so happy. She was thinking to herself, “I never get look at my husband’s face for such a long period of time.  All night He is at Srivas’ house doing kirtan and all day He is with the devotees”. But then again it struck her, “He is going to leave home.” Tears were showering from her lotus like eyes. And some of those tears fell on to the lotus feet of Gauranga Mahaprabhu and He woke. And in a very innocent way He said, “Vishnu Priya, why are you sad, Why are you crying? I am here”.
Vishunu priya said that I have heard  that you are going to take sannyas,  that you are going to leave home , my heart is crushed,  I feel like the only thing that  I can do is enter into fire and give up my life, my life is meant only for you, without you, nothing has any value, whatever beauty I have, whatever chastity I have, whatever desires I have, my body, my words, my life, everything belongs to you, everything  is for you.
If you leave me everything is finished, I have given my heart to you, will you leave me? Your feet are so soft that I am afraid to press them too hard because they turn red, how  I could bear the thought of Your feet  as a sannyasi treading through forests,  with stones and rocks and thorns  and your face it’s so delicate, so beautiful  like a golden moon, how could I bear the thought  of your beautiful face exposed to  forest life, being slashed by monsoon and scorched by blazing summer sun and what about your mother,? she is old and she is weak, she knows nothing , nothing that you - she will die and what about your devotees, they are so dear to you .How could you possibly leave them to die ? Vishnupriya wept tears that deeply affected Lord Caitanya’s heart and with deep affection Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu spoke to her, he told her that in this world everything is temporary. By the arrangement of the supreme Lord  we have relationships and by the arrangement of destiny those relationships are inevitably broken, that is the nature of this world. The only eternal truths are Krishna and the vaishnavas. Krishna is the soul of all souls, if we find Krishna in our hearts, it is that Krishna who is the person love in all the people of this world. Your name is Vishnupriya, very dear to Lord Vishnu, worship Lord Krishna, chant Krishna’a name, always be in the association of devotes, man is born, woman is born, and may grow to childhood, to adolescence, to old age and ultimately everyone must die. Materialistic people, they work so hard, they give their hearts, their lives and in the end so many regrets. Birth after birth after birth.  Absorb yourself in Krishna consciousness and I promise you, we will never be separated.  The Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu manifested a four hand form of Lord Narayan to Vishnupriya and she saw that form and she realized that He is the Lord of my life, he is the Parmatma, the super soul dwelling in my heart.
But still, in love for Him as a wife,  superceded and she  fell at His feet .  Lord Caitanya said to Vishnupriya, that we are united for ever, nothing can separate us, if you are worshiping Krishna, and I am worshipping Krishna, we are always together .  And Vishupriya expressed the deepest sentiments of her heart.  She said, my dear Gauranga, please do not be cruel to Saci devi. If You leave Your mother not only will she be totally devastated, but people will speak ill of You.  I can understand now that I am an obstacle on your spiritual progress. I promise You this - “From this day on, I will go to live with my father. You will never see me again. Or I will drink poison and take my life, if I am obstruction to you. But please stay home with your mother. Do not cause her this suffering. I beg You. I beseech You. Lord Chaitanya said to Vishnupriya - “Please understand My Mission. Vishnupriya I ask you. Do not be selfish. Throghout the world humanity is suffering. I am taking Sanyasa to give them the joys of Krsna Consciousness. Give me permission to do so. I will promise you, whenever you chant my names you will see me personally with in your heart, that is my love for you and that is your love for Me.” Vishnupriya, she said to the Lord, “My Lord, you are the independent lord of all. According to your sweet will, please do whatever pleases you. I will not obstruct you. No one will obstruct you. Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu conquered the hearts of his devotees. And our acharyas teach us, that the incessant tears of Sacidevi, the incessant tears of Vishnupriya the tears of all the devotees in Navadvipa, those tears of separation by the Lord’s own will were meant to wash away the sins, wash away the darkness of ignorance of the whole world, so that Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu could freely travel and reach even the most difficult people to reach and give then Krsna Prema through Krsna Nama. 
Hare Krsna Hare Krsna Krsna Krsna Hare Hare Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare.
Should I continue? The day approached. Lord Chaitanya approached Lord Nityananda Prabhu and told him that very soon when the sun enters into the northern direction I am going to Kantaka Nagar. And there I will take sanyas from Keshava Bharati Maharaj. Please tell 5 people and no one else. And have them meet me there in Katva. Chandrshekar, Mukunda Dutta, Gadadhara Jagadananda Pandit and some say Damodar Pandit, and yourself. Also tell my mother. Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu understood that his leaving was going to cause such a devastation to his devotees that for the next few days He continuously performed the most blissful kirtan that everyone forgot that He was going to take sanyas, except Visnu Priya and Sacidevi. They knew it, but it couldn’t remain in their hearts. Because seeing Lord Caitanya’s happiness was so wonderful. Bhakti Vinode Thakur prayed that there is no greater happiness in all the 14 worlds than for devotees to come together to lovingly chant the holy names:
Hare Krsna Hare Krsna Krsna Krsna Hare Hare/ Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare
We will continue this narration the day after tomorrow since tomorrow we will be celebrating Srila Prabhupada disappearance day festival.
 

MOOD DURING SRILA PRABHUPADA DISAPPEARANCE DAY
Tomorrow we will be celebrating Srila Prabhupada disappearance day. The most holy of all holy days for all of us. When a great vasihnava appears within this world, very few of anybody really knows how great they are. But when they disappear, the legacy and history of their pastimes, their compassion is known to all. For us it a day of deep separation. For those who loved Srila Prabhupada, when he left this world it was something Lord Caitanya left Navadwip. But as Lord Caitanya promised that “I will always be with you when you think of me”, Srila Prabhupada promised the same thing, that “I will live forever in the hearts of those who sincerely followed my instructions”. Srila Prabhupada taught us in his books personally. He is in the hearts of those devotees who we associate with who are dedicated in serving his grace. He is within his instructions, especially when we sincerely and humbly chant the holy names and preach and serve devotees. We have been taught by Lord Caitanya and our acaryas, that feeling those tears and anguish of separation for Srila Prabhupada and the acaryas is the deepest connection of union. Tomorrow in this spirit we are speaking about, of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu’s separation, tomorrow is the day when we celebrate that divine feeling of separation to long to be in the company of Srila Prabhupada. To offer our deepest gratitude for all he has given us and all he is giving us for ever if we just remain faithful to him.
It’s a day we specially set aside to put our complete energy and our complete heart in offering our gratitude to Srila Prabhupada. And our feelings of love in separation.
So by expressing that gratitude and love for Srila Prabhupada, considering that great sacrifices that he has made for us. Lord Caitanya took sanyas, left his home to wander the world as a mendicant to give love of Krsna. Srila Prabhupada took sanyas for the exact same purpose. He left his home of Vrindavan at the Radha Damodar temple in Seva kunj. He left his home to go to Bombay. As a beggar begging for the chance to be the instrument of compassion to whole world and he got that ticket on that cargo ship, and boarded the Jaladutta. And in America, he had nothing, he had no one. In the spirit of Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu, he was the crest jewel of all sannyasis, giving Krsna prema through Krsnanaam. It is that sacrifice of Lord Caitanya and in parampara the same sacrifice of Srila Prabhupada, that is our only qualifications. It is with this gratitude that we may celebrate Srila Prabhupada’s disappearance day tomorrow. And we will continue the narration of Lord Gauranga’s sanyas lila the day after tomorrow. Thank you very much!